Assumptions - by Sara Beckham, MDiv, MACLP, LPC-Associate
Look at the person to your left. Tell them what they eat for breakfast on a typical morning. Look to the person to your right. Tell them where their dream vacation is.” I’m sitting in a circle of people and we are participating in an “assumption” exercise. I assume that the person to my left eats fruit on a typical morning because I know she is vegetarian. I assume that the person to my right would dream of going to Scotland because I know he owns a kilt. I was wrong about both. Yes, the person to my left is vegetarian but she eats eggs or oatmeal on a typical morning. Yes, the person to my right owns a kilt, but his dream vacation is to go to the mountains, and he is headed to Colorado in just a few weeks to do just that.
We all make assumptions about people, but how often are those assumptions wrong? I know there are assumptions people have about me, too. I’ve had someone assume they can’t talk to me about their spiritual trauma because I went to seminary. (I have my own! I can relate!) I’ve had someone assume that I’m straight because I’m married to a cis male. (I identify as pansexual.) I’ve had someone assume I was a cheerleader in high school because I have an extroverted personality. (I played snare drum on the drum line.)
We assume things about others, and we assume things about our therapist. We assume they will push us to do something we don’t want to do. We assume that they will judge us for x, y, or z. BUT I want to give you a little insight into my top goals as a therapist:
1) To assume nothing. It is against my ethical code to look you up on social media so I’m not looking at information about you before you walk into my office. The only thing I know about you is what you write on your client forms. I have no assumptions and no pre-formed ideas about you or your situation.
2) To build a good therapeutic relationship with you. The American Psychological Association boasts of the effects of a good therapeutic relationship, “A good relationship…is essential to helping the client connect with, remain in, and get the most from therapy.”[1] I can’t build a good therapeutic relationship with you if I’m making assumptions and judgments! I want to be here for you! Not against you.
A therapist’s goals and ethics make entrusting them beneficial to your mental health, as opposed to confiding in a friend or family member. Therapists are able to hear your story without pre-formed assumptions about you. If starting or re-starting therapy has been difficult because of any fears or worries you might have about the process of therapy or how a therapist will treat or judge you, then let me offer a little nudge. A good therapist is not here to make assumptions or judgments about you. We are here to champion you into growth! Begin your journey toward growth and healing today!
[1] https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/11/ce-corner-relationships
